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One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -Nietzsche

  September 15, 2019

Remember, No Rushing

You typically end up remembering people for traits quite different from the impression they intended. You might enter assuming they have nothing worthwhile to share, have not achieved anything, or ever had an interesting thought of their own. Sometimes through patience or the good fortune of paying attention, you find a gift in a poignant moment of clarification from which you will always remember a specific aspect of their character, as it is the strongest example of a type, or the first time you realized the genius what they innocently displayed.

One task when dating is to act like an interviewer persistently giving your subject an opportunity to be interesting. "Let's see what you've got" is the normal disposition for two people facing one another, whether a date, fight, or business negotiation. You'll soon see whether they are impressive or dull. Those who take the attention of pursuit for granted and make no great impression quickly lose favor to more promising possibilities.

I was in the midst of a wild tear juggling several prospects, and wanted to see if she could present herself as a desirable companion while at her peak feminine charms. At first meeting, I stole her away from a group of admirers and quick passion suggested great potential.

She had mistaken the time of one of our dates, and when I called to let her know my upcoming arrival, she was not ready and expressed great concern that she would be rushed to put herself together. I assured her I was no fan of makeup, costumes, and other concealment, and asked her not to bother with such instruments of trickery, nor did she need them.

The date went poorly. In a time before smart phones, instagram, and twitter, her phone was silently but visibly under attack by aggressive suitors and she was sneaking peaks and exasperatingly blocking numbers from recent drama, taking her away from the moment we could have been having, and revealing the remnants of her unfocused life strategy.

They want the long crafted results, but not to fulfill preliminaries and prerequisites, so ambitious chatters jostle for place through socialization that filters for talkers rather than doers.

After a few more failures at cultivating chemistry, I stopped calling, but her one-time expression about rushing remained with me. Being rushed is an indicator of a situation being pushed to fail unless handled skillfully, and when someone creates a rush, I purposely consider the mismanaged relation of events they are suddenly forcing together to swift disaster -- and step aside to let them pass.


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