Inept Video Game Player Convention

This weekend in beautiful Columbus, OH, disgruntled innocents will gather to discuss how the system is rigged against them.

In all video games, and especially the most important ones, no one can do well and achieve any basic marker of success. Those who demonstrate success have never reached it by thought, ability, and effort, but rather because they used cheat codes.

Historically, all those who did well have cheated or were somehow lucky and escaped the malevolent conspiracy of powerful but envious overlords. The rest sadly became victims of sinister elements that schemed against them and forced them to be whiny losers. There is simply no opportunity and no way to do anything, and those who do are cheats, and we refuse to be cheats, so the matter is settled.

Saturday's keystone speaker is Greg Limburger of The Pacific Games and Consumer Club on the topic "Would winning even be desirable?" in which he questions the culture of aspiration and transgressions of victimhood. He posits that if habits of failure were arrested, the entire victim narrative would no longer be viable, and a whole range of comfortable excuses would become delegitimized, a brutal and holocaustic removal of privilege.

Later tonight we'll gather at the cash bar to drink beer, play video games, and exchange our beliefs about the evil forces that live in the castle on the mountain. Though we are aware of their conspiracy against us, we are unable to prevent them from stealthily placing banana peels under our feet that cause us to repeatedly slip and fall, undermining our godlike abilities and preventing us from achieving just a little of what plenty of successful people do easily.

We will have revenge on them, someday somehow.