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One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -Nietzsche

  February 29, 2012


The first few times you're lazily spending a weekend in bed with a girl and she answers a phone call prompted by her boyfriend's pulsing Spidey senses, it's both funny and insightful for the logic it reveals. You already knew she's not interested in that relationship, but now you get to watch masterful disingenuity performed with utter calm as she lies about her location, activity, and present company -- and is believed.

What are you dealing with? Skills that normally operate in stealth are now nakedly on display in a lewd showcase, the curtain pulled up for you to peer deep within.

Typically the cheating woman has a grievance with the boyfriend or husband, but does not communicate it or constructively work for a solution. She holds it in silently, letting it boil for a while before eventually plotting passive-aggressive revenge. What better retaliation than to desecrate the relationship by blatantly violating the trust that once sustained their precious unity?

She checked out of the relationship before the act of betrayal, writing it off as dead while keeping up lukewarm appearances without a hint of her plans. It's only over in her head -- all kinds of things live in her head -- and now she needs someone's help to complete her performance of contempt and derision. She finds a willing accomplice and seals the deal with an ultimate act to irreparably sabotage the relationship so it is forced to end, needing the transgressive fling just once to achieve her aims. Alternatively, she might enjoy tremendous satisfaction through the subversive clandestine violation of oaths and promises, an anarchistic joy fueled by many months of cheating until the spite and bitterness eventually overtakes her relationship and shatters all semblance of decency, often compelling her to triumphantly announce her prolonged campaign of disgust. She doesn't even use the sex for physical pleasure, but loves the irrefutable wreckage and depravity it celebrates, so dominating is her desire for retribution against what she once cherished.

Some of my male friends sleep around, but when in a serious relationship they rarely cheat, and when they do it is for good reason that can be discussed openly without lies. To make cover stories about one's choices instinctually feels to men a cruel deception that is uncomfortably dishonorable. Accordingly, few men are inclined to wield such tactics, instead recognizing them as highly effective but internationally banned because of their unfairness and brutal consequences.

Nature likely needs men willing to help a woman end relationships they no longer care for. Accommodation comes without pity that she is unable to communicate her feelings. We remain agents of nature with a gift for leading things where they must go.

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