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One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -Nietzsche

  May 3, 2009

Perpetual Spring

I wish I could point to the origin of what might be the second greatest gift of my life, but its core has always been present in me. I've always enjoyed peeking behind the curtain to quietly watch bad actors put on their shows and offer silly explanations to mask their motivations.

What moderns say is often a world apart from they are thinking and what they do, so language gets thrown out from the start and everything has to be filtered through a prism that accounts for their denial of basic reality. Such adroit contortions to try to meet halfway!

My last year was quintessentially bizarre, but also brought a necessary rebirth. As it ended, I took stock of everything, threw most of it away as useless and confining, and realized what I liked most was the enjoyment of life: its mysteries, bounties, possibilities, and perpetually blank slate - and being around others who also understood and shared this. Not people drowning in fear, foolishness, escape, routines, safety, and comfortable lies. Red raw life as it truly is, not transparent evasions or childish dreams for imaginary realities.

Immediately I was again attracted to everything beautiful and vivid. In turn, I made everything around me this way: bright, joyful, fertile, fun. I deserved and had a right to it. Laughter at foolishness, unable to take nonsense seriously even if it is someone's everything. I fled to sun and warmth and rediscovered my essence that had become bogged down in numbing domestication and trained housecat routines. We often learn best from painful errors, however well intended, and should welcome them as beneficent teachers who save us from that type of repeated suffering.

Spring is my one of my favorite metaphors and realities. After a long slumber everything comes back to life. Flowers rise from nothingness and blossom. Birds sing with effortless pleasure. Light playfulness abounds. Not only is the air warm, but women too go into heat and remind how alluring they can be after a winter of androgynous multi-layered attire. They frolic and play, luring us toward their essence. Anything is possible once again and so much should be attempted. Destiny is forever at hand.

All of this is undeniable nature captured in a feeling, but what matters is what the feeling inspires. Why not perpetually carry this within you?

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